


The List of Things Dark Meta Knight is Forbidden To Do

by WarioCart



Category: Hoshi no Kaabii | Kirby: Right Back at Ya!, Kirby (Video Games), Kirby - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Kirby Squeak Squad, Kirby Star Allies, Kirby Star Allies Spoilers, Kirby of the Stars: The Great Labyrinth of the Mirror | Kirby & The Amazing Mirror, Kirby: Planet Robobot Spoilers, Personal Favorite, Post-Kirby Star Allies, Post-Kirby of the Stars: Robobo Planet | Kirby: Planet Robobot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 19:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21081899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarioCart/pseuds/WarioCart
Summary: A spanish swordsman orb makes a intricate list of things that Dark Meta Knight is unable to do, even if Kirby has recruited him as a friend.You can't fucking trust someone like that even with a cheap vase. Meta Knight and his allies are making sure to put some provisions in place.





	1. Provisions from Authority

**Author's Note:**

> (10/24: Wow, this went really well!! I'm very happy some more of my comedy pieces got recognized, thanks a hunch! If anyone wishes for a third part, it'd probably tend to be off canon, but COULD revolve around the Arena segment. Maybe. I'll be excited to hear what people think!)

**The List of Things Dark Meta Knight Is Forbidden To Do**

My fabricated adversary, while I do not support Kirby's decision to release you from the Mirror World again, I am allowing you to be here on the basis you will not try to betray, kill, or split Kirby into four again.

But I know you are worse than that. So I have had to made a list on what you are not allowed to do here in Dreamland. Or in space. Or out of the Mirror World in general. 

As I watch your behavior, if anything puts our group at risk, I will add more provisions. Other members besides Kirby are free to add to this list.

* * *

\- Dark Meta Knight cannot split Kirby into four. Besides, you are not allowed to go past 4 members in a group. It messes up formations. 

\- Dark Meta Knight cannot split Kirby's friends into four. Same as before, but I am not dealing with four Adeleines, or four of those baneful jesters.

\- Dark Meta Knight is unable to color himself like me and try to pass off as me in the group. The last time you did that in the Jambastion, you made Kirby very confused.

\- Dark Meta Knight is not all <strike>allowed to be near Marx for concerns of n vmd s </strike> **bad and Marx has a mirror hall in his garage : ) **

\- Dark Meta Knight is not allowed to cut any paintings apart for target practice. 

> ^ Seconded!! Please!! I'm trying to get into an arts school Metatwo!! - AD

\- Dark Meta Knight is not allowed to come out of Ribbon's crystal. I am told there are concerns of it breaking, and we are already on a journey. 

> ^ You did this twice! TWICE! Please stop doing it! - Ribbon

\- Dark Meta Knight is not allowed to be exceptionally cruel in defeating Waddle Dees. There are children on board. You keep trying to slit their necks. They don't have necks. They don't even have organs, I'm told.

\- Dark Meta Knight may have had a situation with my sire, King Dedede, but please try to not cause arguments with him. 

> ^ DAMN RIGHT!!! Ya better not cross me twice ya stinky borb ball! I'll kick ya to the curb in that there mirror again! - KING DEDEDE THE BEST THE KING OF, YOU KNOW, **THE PLANET**

\- Dark Meta Knight, you may have my same voice, but please do not try to do hateful impressions of me in battle.

> ^ It makes you great at comedy night though!! - AD

\- Dark Meta Knight, you cannot try to plot with Magolor either.

> ^ I'm not as cuckoo as you anymore! I'm trying to sell gem apples in other dimensions, I'm not going to turn into something with an EYE in it's MOUTH ever again! - MG
> 
> ^ woi iowos foifsdfk f - go og ey
> 
> ^ What he was trying to say was that you've scammed him once with your.. apples, so do not play dumb, Magolor. You are not starting a tinted glass pyramid scheme.  
\- Susanna Haltmann of Haltmann Works Co.

\- Dark Meta Knight, do not try to inform Taranza on how Sectonia is still dead. Especially since it's almost entirely your fault. 

> ^ Why are you like this - tara

> That's low even for you. - MK

\- Dark Meta Knight, while you are able to split into multiple versions of yourself, please do not try to cheat the four person group system we've put in place. 

\- Dark Meta Knight, you cannot throw entire boulders at the mages. While it clears them out very easily, it sounds exceptionally painful. 

\- I've recently been told that during the fight in which I was taken control of by a Jamba heart, you kicked the sword off of the mountain, causing my possessed self to go into a crazed state, attacking the rest of the group. That is because that is generally a lack of sword etiquette. 

> Interesting how my possessed self has more manners than you. 

\- You are not allowed to teach Kirby how to say fuck. 

\- You are not allowed to teach anyone to say fuck. 

\- Don't say fuck around Kirby.

\- Do not swear around Kirby. 

\- If you keep doing the above four, I'm not allowing you to be near Kirby. - MK

\- ...Like with Taranza, do not inform Susie on her dead father. While you aren't the cause of this one, please have some decency. 

> ^ This is against any morals the original version of you has, and it shows your lack of moral compass. While I wasn't necessary brought to a stream of tears like Taranza, do not try this again, or I am going to "fire" you. 
> 
> \- Susanna Haltmann of Haltmann Works Co.

\- Please quit trying to get Adeleine to draw nude art. 

\- Do not try to sneak money to Adeleine to try and get the aforementioned provision.

\- Please do not try to attack Bandanna Waddle Dee. 

\- Do not steal his blue bandanna in order to get others to attack him. You forgot he's colored a different shade, to some extent. 

\- Do not burn down Whispy Woods on other planets.

> \- Or their grandfathers. 

\- Dark Meta Knight is not allowed to drive anything related to a Warp Star. 

> \- This means the Sparkler. 

\- I know Rick has an interesting accent, but I do not see the interest in flipping him over. 

> ^ Can ya please stop! I can actually write too, and I'm not a bloody turtle! - Rick

\- I do not understand why you are trying to drown Kine. They are a fish. 

\- When you get a fire add-on to your sword, do not do any of the following;

> \- Do not try to cook Coo.
> 
> \- Do not burn a forest. 
> 
> \- While you are allowed to light up a cave, do not try to kill any members in the dark, using your blade as the "last thing they see".

\- The workaround you managed to find involving throwing shards of glass at the mages is clever, but it seems even more painful. You don't seem to have remorse towards these people you only met. 

\- Do not try to get ideas from the cultist.

\- Dark Meta Knight is not allowed to try and join the other side when they look stronger.

> \- However slashing them when they're distracted and think you're a part of them is recommended. 

\- When fighting world ending deities, do not try to go off of the Sparkler and try to fight them yourself. Please. 

\- Do not cut giant fleshy orbs apart. 

\- Do not summon a fragment of Dark Mind's power and have two deities fight each other. They aren't going to cancel each other out, they're going to work together. 

\- Do not summon Dark Mind ever again. 


	2. Rodent Provisions in Another Dimension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark Meta Knight isn’t done with being a borderline asshole. He’s not going to only fuck over Popstar, he’s going to go HIGHER.  
Daroach holds him accountable this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It helps to imagine Daroach’s canon voice as the Giant Rat.

**Secondary List of Provisions on What Dark Meta Knight is Prohibited From Doing, In Dreamland, In Space, and Other Dimensions**

You have passed my low expectations of you yet again, my other self. I thought that once we had saved Popstar, I’d be done with your shenanigans. But since Kirby has decided to venture into the Other Dimension, we must join alongside him.   
I’ve entrusted Daroach to carry the list, since you and Adeleine are in a group with him. I have given him a small set of rules to go off of, but he will hopefully add more as you progress into the dimensions and collect the Friend Hearts Kirby wants to find.

I feel like there are some small faults in doing this. But I trust he will be smart as he is deceptive. 

* * *

\- Dark Meta Knight is prohibited from detracting from the group and entering another dimension.

\- Dark Meta Knight is held accountable for any destruction in any timelines.

\- Dark Meta Knight is not allowed to bribe Daroach.   
  
Daroach, please make good of use of this. I cannot trust him here, especially around Kirby.

> ^ Gotcha shitface! Good thing he can’t see what I am writing! Let’s provise the proportioned swordsy!

\- Try not to throw my Squeaks into puzzles! And don’t try cutting them up either! They aren’t the baddies!

\- That Gooey guy? Can you not try to grab his tongue and throw him like a mace? There’s probably much better people to do that with.

> ^ Try Storo!

\- Dunno what your deal is with asking Adeleine to draw some crazy shit, but try to do it when we’re not gonna be crushed by giant platforms.

> ^ Didn’t Meta tell you to stop doing that??? - AD

\- When Adeleine leaves to join Kirby, Waddle Guy, and Fat Shit periodically, keep your cool, I’m cool, I’ll even let you drive Doc’s spaceship!

> ^ Scratch that Doc is serious about his work please do not take his stuff without asking just don’t

\- Whenever we encounter a giant black tree again, try less to chop it down! Why didn’t you burn it? I gots flame bombs.

\- I don’t know how that scepter works here differently either, some sort of dimension shist or something, but a team of 3 darkfucks and one giant rat ain’t enough.

> ^ Let’s try two giant rats and two dark fucks.
> 
> ^ Nevermind I got into a debate with myself very quickly on the gold we find and you almost beat your own self to death let’s just not

\- We are not asking the green Adeleine you summoned for the same things you pushed the other one away for! Can you ask her to draw some glass or something, ya edge-ridden sack of weird thoughts?!

> ^ I’m pretty sure I’m too young to draw those things. - Ado

\- I dunno who this Ribbon chick ‘sposed to be, but the other girl had one, so don’t try to cling to her legs to fly using that fairy odd whatsit.

> ^ Please. - Ribbon

\- I wouldn’t wish what you did to that freaky purple Dedede on my worst enemy, so can ya please never do that again. It shouldn’t go without saying. Jesus borderline fuck.

\- When Kirby decides to pick us for the final mission over the blue guy’s team you resent, can you at least be happier about it?

> ^ I don’t even know who this Kirby guy is so I couldn’t tell if they have a rivalry or something. But maybe don’t fight? - Ado

\- This may seem unnecessary, and it’s more of a compliment, but the way you threw that boulder at Mr. Cultist Bastard was really cool! Can you throw one at the Cappy Town bank when we get back.

> ^ Isn’t this irrelevant? - Ribbon
> 
> ^ Shut up bean fairy

\- Please reflect more when we are fighting g the fu k itn bastard mages 

\- Don’t throw boulders at the mages when the mages we specifically purified fix everything

\- Daroach is the best, and for the shit he had to put up with, you’re leading him to your Mirror Land Treasury or something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget that I am the one who let you get away with a lot of things the blue bastard wouldn’t! Ya owe me in full.  
\- Daroach, leader of the Squeak Squad

**Author's Note:**

> I will add more to this as he decides to act truant further. 
> 
> \- PS: Sire, if he is to ever go against these rules, feel free to put him in the mirror and break it again. 
> 
> \- Meta Knight  
(notes and comments help ahehe)


End file.
